dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Randomize
