One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
