Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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