He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Never underestimate the power of titties
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