You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
