i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
