she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
