3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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