I murdered the dance floor call the cops
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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