...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
