I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
