So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
