beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
