You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I just found puke in my bra..
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
