the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
you mean i was at the winter classic?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Randomize
