Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
