I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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