My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
