I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Randomize
