That's intense
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
