So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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