Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Randomize
