AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
