Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
