he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
ok first of all what the fuck
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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