Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
zippers are such a cool invention
is wine microwaveable?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
