small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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