there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
this hospital has no fireball
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
