ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
