There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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