Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
