It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
