Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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