cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
