i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
