My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
