How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
She's like a pop up book from hell.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
