he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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