I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
