I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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