I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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