You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
