gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
