My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
