We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
