Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Welp...herpes.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
