I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
