So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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