whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Randomize
