My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
