it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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