That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
