dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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