Hey man sorry I got all grabby
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
