I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
