Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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